Fatness - I think a lot of Americans get a bad press when it comes to their weight. In California and Miami especially, it appears the average person is struggling to put food near their mouth. However, it's when you go the touristy areas, that you start to see the Americans from the middle of the country - and boy, some of those people are monstrous. When your footsteps register on the Richter scale and the Ordinance Survey people ask if you're officially a hill or a mountain, it's time to put down that last twinkie. And while we're at it...
Huge bums - Not a day goes by without Liz pointing out a ridiculously disproportionally huge backside. Now I may sound like the kettle telling the pot he has a big arse, but my derriere is like a pimple next to these things. Some of the women possessing them (and this is a purely female phenomenon for some reason) have normal, well-proportioned top halves, but then you look down... God knows how they buy jeans.
Free Refills - One of the best things about American restaurants is the soda fountain. 3 dollars is a lot for a coke, but it's not bad for unlimited glasses of said drink. And the waiting staff aren't stingy about refilling either - sometimes I've barely had a sip before they're bringing out another drink. Remember this next time Pizza Express charge you four quid for a half pint of ice topped up with some coke out of a tap.
Tattoos - Every American has a tattoo. You see a middle-aged, mousy librarian from Kansas, and - WHOA, there's a topless biker spearing a dragon on her ankle.
Smoke Shops - As far as I know, marijuana is illegal in every US state. But every city we visited had a 'smoke shop', where they offer bongs, lighters, pipes, 'Take Me To Your Dealer' posters and equipment which I have no idea how it's related to weed.
Homelessness - This is a huge problem. Apparently the US government allowed many of their mental institutions to be closed down, and the patients to be discarded to the streets. And it shows. It's way too common to see men shouting to themselves or to be asked for money by beggars - it's about time the authorities stepped in and helped these people out.
Candy - Every chocolate bar must have nuts or peanut butter in, or both. I think it's a legal requirement.
Tourists taking photos - I am very aware we are tourists, and we took photos of things that the locals wouldn't bother. But we are not in the same league as some tourists. First, the Oriental visitors take it to a whole new level. Most of them seem to take photos of anything. "Look, we must get a snap of this Health and Safety notice for the guys back home!" There were times they asked me to take photos of them in front of something, and I had absolutely no idea what the something was.
Also, what's up with tourists taking photos of things that they're not even looking at with their eyes? We queued for a ridiculously long time to see the Constitution, and when we get to the front, people are just taking photos of it and walking away. They didn't even pause to attempt to read it. And what's with people posing in front of inappropriate things? There's nothing like going to the National WWII memorial, standing in front of it and flashing a cheesy smile. And I don't think the soldier statues at the Korean War Memorial were meant for people to put their arms around and yell 'CHEESE'!
Grocery Shopping - On the few occasions we went to a supermarket (by the way, they still have Safeway over there), they often bag your shopping for you in paper bags. This is surely the solution to our plastic bag issue bag home. Completely recyclable, more durable than plastic and still cheap to produce.
Traffic - It's a much better system for crossing the road in the US - cars can turn if there are no pedestrians, but must wait if there are pedestrians. Simple.
ATM Fees - $3 to withdraw cash from another bank's machine? Oh, do p*ss off.
Public Toilets - Everything is automatic. You needn't touch anything but your own genitals throughout the whole toilet experience. A toilet seat cover is automatically dispensed so your buttocks do not have to touch where other buttocks have sweated before. When you have done your business, an infra red sensor flushes it for you. You put your hand underneath the tap and soap dispenser, and voila! You don't even have to touch anything to get a paper towel. Beats giving the attendant in London club toilets a quid for him to pass you a tissue and sing 'Freshen up for the punani'.
Tipping - As mentioned in a previous blog entry, tipping has gone too far here. You only give a waiter 10% if he has given you poor service - surely it should be 0%?! And bartenders get a dollar tip for opening a beer bottle?! Even worse is when you find out that every time a waitress gets you a drink in a restaurant, they must tip the bartender a dollar themselves out of their own money, in the hope that you give them enough of a tip to make up for it. Oh, and they get taxed on their earnings, based on getting 15% tips, whether they got them or not. However, the customer service is tip top, as the staff really do try and earn their tips for the most part.
Presidents - It seems pretty much everyone (apart from the news channels and people in Texas) are happy about Barack Obama, and everyone claims they didn't vote for George W Bush. Some of them must have...
Food - I love the food here - lots of meat, bread and sauces. Mexican quesadillas, pulled pork, pancakes, burgers, shakes, BBQ, gumbo, pizza, etc. However, they cannot do bacon. It's too streaky, hard and tastes wrong. I'm loathe to say this, but get me some 'proper' bacon when I get home!
That's all I can think of right now. Please feel free to comment below on anything you agree/disagree with. Other than that, it's just two more nights (one spent on a plane) before our adventure ends. We're lucky enough to spend it here in lovely Barbados, as Liz's uncle Robin has kindly invited us to stay at his home. It's a tough life of sailing, sunbathing and swimming, but someone has to do it.
I hope you've been enjoying the blog and I'm glad people have actually been reading it. We're looking forward to seeing you all when we get back, and please remember our birthdays took place while we were away, and it's not too late to get us a present...
As the geek that I am I just want to point out that paper bags are not completely recyclable. As paper gets pulped down the fibres become shorter and that's why recycled paper can be very coarse. When "recycled" paper is nice and smooth it is most probably mixed with virgin (no giggles please) paper to help create that look. So you can only really recycle paper around 7 times and then it becomes useless. Also creating paper is a huge tax on water resources and can be an environmental nuisance when it comes to bleaches and other chemicals which are used in the process.
ReplyDeleteOverall "recycled" paper isn't the solution and in some ways plastic or cotton bags are better as they last longer and can be reused numerous times (as long as people remember to do this).
Sorry i'm bored waiting for Betch (who's late as always) and thought i'd have a bit of a pointless rant... Hope you have a safe flight home!